Purpose and Goal

This is a blog dedicated to emerging writers from the Monroe community. Anyone is welcome to comment on pieces published here. If you would like to be a contributor then please leave a message on the "I want to be a part of this..." post.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Missing Him

I wish for the old you.

Kind, and silly, and
Perpetually loving,
Sweet, and comforting.

I hate this newer you.

Cold and sarcastic.
Ridden with gross arrogance.
You can't win me back.


Haiku with a slight additive. I'm probably rusty since I haven't written in ages. What do you guys think?

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2 comments:

  1. maya pirulliWednesday, 29 June, 2011

    I'm going to give you my honest opinion only because I love and respect your writing.

    It's not your best. I find love and all the crap that comes with it to be rather overused, I'm not saying that you shouldn't use it, I'm not even saying you have to make it weird or strange or confusing to make it good(though that does help often), all I'm saying is that if your going to write it, you should actually feel the emotion, and when the reader reads it, it should be bursting at the seems with that emotion. You want to make the reader feel what you feel, sadly, I don't feel that.

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  2. MariahThursday, 30 June, 2011

    Thanks! I know love is pretty overused, and I'm kinda glad I didn't get a "Zomggggg I luuv it!" Haha! Looking over it again, I think I made it too short... I felt it, but didn't give the reader enough time to receive the feeling. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have any bursting emotions. They're more like awashing emotions... Maybe I should go for that :)

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