I sit there, every second of the day,
imagining what it would be like to be happy,
To have warmth pumping through vains,
instead of my heart pumping cold.
If i bled, it would be ice
If i smiled, it would be cruel.
Everyday my heart beats louder and louder.
Irregular like my actions,
Undependable, like my words.
My eyes, they don't crinkle when I smile,
They crinkle when i'm evil.
My lips, they don't twist into a smile,
they smile when I lie.
Wow! Not what i expected from you yet again it makes sense. I liked it i felt what you were pertraying. When you talked about the heart pumping i pictured it, when you talked about your smile i pictured it. Therefore it was an effective poem because it made the reader stop and picture what you were saying. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Gaby, and I too really like the concept of this. My only issues are grammatical. The "i" instead of "I", and also I thought the "smile was a tad overused in the last 4 lines or so... But love it!
ReplyDeleteI liked this because it made me picture things like the smile and the pumping heart but I think the last 4 lines messed up the rhythm. I do like the idea behind the lines but I think you should rephrase them so it matches the other use of repetition you used. But still great job!
ReplyDelete