For the longest time
it was me and the fog.
My two feet
paving the path,
finding the trail,
leading me on,
into the abyss.
For the longest time
it was me and my heart.
My inner instinct
mapping the march,
searching for hope,
praying for light,
within the darkness.
Then I found it,
the stream of light
falling from the sky.
But when I reached inside
I discovered
reality.
it was me and the fog.
My two feet
paving the path,
finding the trail,
leading me on,
into the abyss.
For the longest time
it was me and my heart.
My inner instinct
mapping the march,
searching for hope,
praying for light,
within the darkness.
Then I found it,
the stream of light
falling from the sky.
But when I reached inside
I discovered
reality.
Rainbows are cold.
I really likes this.... especially the ending, however...there are two things that I would change
ReplyDelete1 the frog? what?
2 "leading me on into the abyss" The abyss sounds pretty dark, and i think that the poem should stay bright and cheery until the end.
AHHHH!!! I CANT BELIEVE YOU!! You stole my line and wrote a poem about it. A very good poem but still, I said rainbows are cold.... *sulk*
ReplyDeleteoh, and you broke pattern in the last stanza, I liked the color pattern.
poor kace. first shes shuned and then stolen from. there just no end to your misery....
ReplyDeleteAnd then they break my color pattern.
ReplyDeleteAND THEY DONT HAVE BOOKS OF THE MONTH!! *hinthinthorvath*
Stop whining Kace...also Maya, curious about the realization the speaker comes to in this poem...how does she get there? What has happened that has changed her perspective, I don't see anything in the poem that would lead to such cynicism.
ReplyDeleteThat's just it, it comes and slaps you in the face. The whole point is your stuck in the gloom but there is still hope for something better, only when you finally find what was keeping you alive you realize it's nothing to live for. It hits you with a stern thunk and sinks into your soul, killing every morsel of light. It is not what she was looking for that ruined her hope that I am trying to point out, it is what it did to hope, which of course is demolish it.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way kase, just so you know the last part of the pattern is not messed up, I was trying to make it look like it was fading out. Guess it wasn't a very good idea.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a good idea & i totaly get what you were saying!
ReplyDeleteThe fog is not that necessary because it is dark during the story. The fog does not make it any darker or gloomier. Therefore the fog does not improve the story because it is in my opinion useless description.
ReplyDeleteAt first I didn't understand the poem too well... I knew the basic idea and journey theme, but not much else. I thought the rainbow colors, while generally attracting to the eye, took a great deal away from it. Now that I read your explanation I understand how deep and strong the poem really is. Love it. Beautiful, dark, poetry.
ReplyDeleteI alos didn't get it at first but after reading the explanation you gave i get what your pertraying. I think it was reallt good i love the language you use in your poems in general and i think this one is really good.
ReplyDeleteI also at first didn’t really fully understand the poem. But then after reading everyone's comments they helped me except for Kace who had no real useful comments. I can get that everyone normally thinks that rainbows are happy and magical but in your interruption when you end up on the other side of the rainbow everything isn't as jolly as it seemed. There never really is a bucket full of gold and riches it's just a begging for the people on the other side so in reality there is no end. I like how you found a way make a simple joy and magical thing in life, dark and harsh. You gave it a twist, and that’s what a good writer does can make a flip side for each story.
ReplyDelete