Purpose and Goal

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Monday, January 31, 2011

Broken

it's a bit depressing... sorry
_________________________________________________________________________________
A cry rising
uncontrollable
and yet, I bite it back

I am stuck
locked in this body-prison
screaming, but no sound comes out

Maybe, just maybe
I can cut myself out
with a razorblade and a locked bathroom door
Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. MariahTuesday, 01 February, 2011

    Like it. And I understand what it's about. The only snag is the double "out".

    locked in this body-prison
    screaming but no sound comes out

    Maybe, just maybe
    I can cut myself out

    I like the rest of the lines but maybe if you took the second "out" away and replaced it with a word like "Free" or something.

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  2. CarolineWednesday, 02 February, 2011

    Thanks for the feedback! I agree about the double "out". I think that I'll change it to "free"

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  3. SHorvathTuesday, 08 February, 2011

    Creepy piece...one contradiction I find though is the "uncontrollable cry" being bitten back...this seems like a speaker who is reaching for some self-determination in the rest of the piece but in the opening stanza the speaker has complete control of the situation...love the tone and the closing stanza!

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