Purpose and Goal

This is a blog dedicated to emerging writers from the Monroe community. Anyone is welcome to comment on pieces published here. If you would like to be a contributor then please leave a message on the "I want to be a part of this..." post.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Darkness

A balence in the system
With death comes life
With life comes death
Death is also dakness
A black hole
Sucks everything in its path
But then the solar sytem starts over
Rebuilds its self
Without darkness there is no light
No shades of different colors
A blank sheet of paper
Boring
Darkness and death
A balance
A pattern
A way of life
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousMonday, 03 January, 2011

    How do you think i can improve this piece to make it better?

    ReplyDelete
  2. DanaTuesday, 04 January, 2011

    Well, I think maybe you could tweak a few things to get rid of the telling instead of showing. I myself am one of the worst offenders when it comes to telling instead of showing. SO for example, instead of saying "boring", you could use some form of imagery to show that it is boring or a simile/metaphor.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lian .DSaturday, 22 January, 2011

    I agree. I think that you should try to change the word "boring". Actually, I think the message you were trying to convey works without "boring".

    ReplyDelete

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