Purpose and Goal
This is a blog dedicated to emerging writers from the Monroe community. Anyone is welcome to comment on pieces published here. If you would like to be a contributor then please leave a message on the "I want to be a part of this..." post.
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Brass Knocker
I stand in the middle of a road. I don't know how I got there-just that I must walk down the road. So I do. I keep my eyes on the faded white dotted line, splitting the world in half. I walk the line as if it was a tightrope. Heel, toe, heel, toe. Clouds of dust engulf my feet. Even though I keep my footsteps light, placed percisely, the sound echoes around me. I look up, seeing what surrounds me. Houses-bright and welcoming-line each side of the road. Perfect, bright green grass fills in the gaps between houses. Enclosing each house in its own prison, are wrought iron fences-vines and roses crawling up the sides. There are no people, no noise. I keep walking along the line, the long, straight line. If I could feel or think anything, I would say the journey was agonizing. I walk on, passing house after house-a constant rythm that was becoming familiar. Until, abruptedley, the road ended. The line stopped right at the base of a small flight of stairs leading to a faded, peeling door that looked as if it had once been painted blood-red. Hanging on the door was a worn-looking brass knocker-a snake intertwined with a rose. The sight of the knocker was intriguing. I tore my eyes away for a moment. The entire house was built of gray stone, covered in red roses climbing towards the far-away sky. The house was beautiful. My eyes wandered their way back to the brass knocker. Out of instinct, I walked up the stairs to the door, and gripped the brass knocker. Instantly, the chill of the cool metal spread through me. I struck the door with the knocker. 'knock' The scent of metal floated through the air, stirred by the brass knocker. It almost smelt like blood. I knocked again. 'knock' With each knock, the chill spread farther through my body. I knocked again. 'knock' A thought was finally permitted to enter my mind. That one precious thought was is this what I really want? But I never had time to delve deeper into this question. The door opened with a 'kreak' and there, stood a shadow.
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Im sorry, i know this is a weird thing to critize, but when you wrote "heel toe heel toe heel toe" all I could hear is squidwards nasally voice saying that as his mantra as he speed walks, sounding like a rubber ducky in a dogs mouth. The only reason I point it out is because it really ruined the mysterious, what's-happening feeling.
ReplyDeleteKace, your the only one I know who would think that...but anyways...Good JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing I would have to say is....the wole dust cloud thing threw me off. How could the character see her/his feet and the dotted line if they are surrounded by dirt clouds. Also, because you threw in that whole dirt image, i think it kindof contradicted with the image you give when you describe the houses with green lawns.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lian. I know I'm nit-picky and OCD, but the spelling mistakes irked me.. Also it was slightly confusing... But I disagree with Kace and I think the sentence he quoted fits nicely. It shows the methodical, everlasting lucidity of walking on the road. In fact, I think it increases the mystery.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
ReplyDeleteLian, I just have to say that you CAN see through dust clouds. PigPen in Peanuts does, and he's always completely surrounded by them! And It's just light dust clouds around her feet in the story, almost like when sand kicks up when you walk at the beach...but with more dirt. Sorry for my bad connections.
And I'm sorry about the spelling mistakes, Mariah. I'm too good at spelling or grammer(especially commas).
I just have to ask-does anyone have any thoughts on what this story is about? Beacuse I had a certain thing in mind while I was writing it...But I'm not sure if I used too much symbolism or something for anyone to figure it out.
When I read this i see a nieve and courious soul passing through a seemingly perfect town to an old, yet beutiful house at the end. Though I'm confused... I dont understand the end of the story when it reveals a shadow is that herself? a ghost? noone? im not sure... Anyways I love the description and symbolism you used!
ReplyDeleteheres and idea...instead of making us guess...why dont you just tell us what the story symbolised!!
ReplyDeletewow, pushy much?
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit clicke, but the door at the end is supposed to be Death's doorstep. And the line is her life. And the row of houses on either side is like life or death and other people. And the house at the end is supposed to be really enticing to enter. So ya, Death's doorstep.
Cliche, I know.
I'm not trying to ruin anyone else's point of view on the story...it's just what I was thinking while I was writing it. I'm open to different interpretations though.
Wow. I did NOT see that at all.Well, now that you say it, i get it, but before, I wouldn't of guessed it was about deaths doorstep.
ReplyDelete