His wings lay hunched over, black with fury, like it hurt him to lift them.
He laid there, calm, with shallow breaths as sharp as razors.
The hole in his heart would not be able to create a wall around it again,
He was so lost from the start, hanging on by the tips of his fingers.
Pale, each vein darker than they were before.
Hair the color of ink fell to one side after the battle that left them stranded.
His body showed pain but his face was stone.
The scars on his arms told more stories of his past then his mouth did.
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I decided to try something a little different then what im use to. It is kind of random but i wanted to see if i could pull it off, if you have any suggestions at all, please let me know. Thank you!
I gathered that this guy is an angel, correct? I feel as though are trying to send us a mention about a battle of sorts, within or outside his body; I'm just not able to find out what it is. Perhaps elaborate on this and be more specific about his countenance, body language and allude to this "battle" he had, the story behind the scars on his body. Repost if you decide to change it, and I'll read it.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though *you are trying....grammar error
ReplyDeleteI like this, you have a strong tone and create a lot of interest in the reader. I know this isn't a full piece, probably just something you wrote up quick, but I think it's really beautiful. You captured me with your creative thinking, I love the line, "He was so lost from the start, hanging on by the tips of his fingers," It really says a lot without saying much. When I read it I thought of an angel hanging on the tail of a star, you show that though he was an angel, he was lost, and now fallen. I think you should finish this.
ReplyDeleteYou are so visual with your writing, I would love to see what you can do with an extended piece of fiction!
ReplyDelete