You haven't said
Goodbye.
I'm right here in
Your hindsight, an
Afterthought.
I'm already old,
And you've moved on.
So for every time
You don't turn around,
Goodbye.
Yea, I know the rhythm is kinda all over the place. I really like the idea in this poem and i want to keep it as similar to this as possible, but at the same time I feel like there's stuff i need to fix... I don't know, tell me what you guys think and if you have any suggestions for changes.
Right here in hindsight is an awkward line and if the speaker is truly an afterthought then the object of her attention would have looked back at some point...it seems like she is more of a non-thought....love the idea though!
ReplyDeleteIt's ok I'm an awkward person.. XD
ReplyDeleteThanks Horvath I'll work on it