A rusty nail
in a forhead,
between scarred eyes.
A hammer
glints in the moonlight
as it slowly
strikes the nail.
Thoughts and Memories,
some long-forgotten,
surge forward
toward the nail,
waiting
to be let out,
before
it's all over.
If you have any suggestions or anything, please tell me! I'm not sure about a few words...mostly all of it.
I'm a little unclear about the central image of the poem which to me is the thoughts/etc trying to escape before it is too late...how is this process happening? Are the thoughts and memories in the hammer? are they in the blood? are they in the mind that is being penetrated? How will they get out? Why will it soon be too late? Is there significance to the scarred eyes? Would love to hear what other people think...
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure what point you’re trying to get across, because you need to elaborate more. Explain why a nail is going to be hammered into someone’s scalp, but at the same time keep them guessing till the end. Also what is the significance of the scarred eyes? Is it to add fear and emotions? Overall the concept is good you just need to get your thought across a little more clearly. Remember don’t keep the poem one-sided make it three dimensional so it’s harder to challenge it, if you understand what I mean.
ReplyDelete